3 Simple Ways Couples Can Change Together

The Ted I'm married to today isn't the same Ted I married over 13 years ago. Sure, he has the same blue eyes. The same crazy hair worthy of his middle name Wolfgang. Yes, he still often stuns people with his dry, witty sense of humor. And, all these years later, his passion for soy sauce and politics (not necessarily in that order) remains rock solid.

But he's also changed over the years.

He now eats leftovers instead of cereal for breakfast. He gets seriously excited to watch obscure black-and-white films like Crisis (all you Cary Grant fans out there may know that one). And, best of all, he now understands why adults go to Disney World ... without their children. Although that one's easier said than done.

The thing is, he'll tell you the same thing about me. The Ashleigh he's married to today isn't the same Ashleigh he married 13 years ago. I've changed too. I now crave sushi, put Texas Pete's on my pizza, and eagerly watch dystopian-themed television shows and movies.

Fortunately, our changes have brought us closer together. They've resulted in more points of connection. More shared interests. More mutual dreams. But I know that's not always the case for couples.

I'd venture to guess that you and your spouse have also changed since that day you promised "I do." Because the reality is that none of us is static. So as long as we're living, we all change. Without exception. (God, the Changeless One, is the only one who's the same yesterday, today, and forever.) Which means none of our relationships is static. They change too. Including our marriages.

So if change is inevitable, how can we better embrace it in our spouses and ultimately in our marriages?

I believe by being intentional to change together. Side by side. Hand in hand. Over the years, that's what Ted and I have sought to do.

This doesn't mean you'll both change in exactly all of the same ways. Ted and I haven't. Want an example? When it comes to music, he didn't like dub step or scream-o when we got married. These days, he plays both at high volumes. Me? I tolerate them because I love him. (Except when our kids are winding down for bed. Then, not so much.)

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