My wife will tell you there’s a big difference between “not sick” and “healthy.” Her frustration with some doctors today is that they settle for “not sick” or treat the symptoms of sickness, rather than pursue organic health. We do the same with the sexual relationship in marriage. Many blogs focus on what is “sick”—porn, affairs, erotic novels, on-line chat rooms, etc. We’re told (wisely) time and time again to not be sick.
But what are the marks of a healthy sexual relationship?
It’s not inappropriate to ask what is most pleasurable or most exciting for married couples, but meaningful lovemaking is so much more than creating greater sexual arousal and climaxes. That’s why it’s not a bad idea to also ask “What are the markers of a wholesome sexual experience that is accomplishing God’s relational intent?”
In case you’re wondering, “healthy” protects happy pleasure, it doesn’t threaten it.
Seeking a healthy sexual relationship is a fair and good and wise and holy pursuit.
These six marks aren’t exhaustive; I’m sure there are many more, but here’s a short, non-scientific test to see how you and your spouse are doing in regards to sexual intimacy. We’ll share the first three markers this month, and the next three markers next month.
1. Christian sex is always relational sex.
Any sexual experience divorced from relational connecting isn’t healthy sex. Pornography, voyeurism, predatory touching, any form of paying for sex, exhibitionism, group sex, anonymous sex or objectifying marital sex all have the same common denominator: sex divorced from relational connecting. Most forms of sexual deviancy include a separation between sex and emotional connection.