"I am so sorry." Once again I lay on the ultrasound table staring through tear-filled eyes at the doctor. She had no explanation, but to tell me that my child's heart had suddenly stopped at twenty weeks.
"I just doesn't understand why," she said. "I am so sorry." Just like that, I was thrown back into familiar territory – for the fifth time.
I had become terrified to hear the words, "I am so sorry." And rightfully so.
Every woman who has had a miscarriage knows there is a groaning and an aching that comes not from labor pains, but from losing a child. I have felt the pain of the labor of four children who I cherish, but I have also felt the pain of losing five more, that I have not yet met.
I trusted God so deeply, but I knew my trust in Him didn't guarantee me a child. I trusted God the first, second, third, fourth, and fifth time. And it still happened.