When I suffer, I become certain of two things: 1. God exists, and 2. he is a traitor. I didn't always believe that. I accumulated experiences with God. In every unpleasant moment, in every tragedy, in every moment of confusion, a light and deceptive hand turns my mind's gaze Godward:
"He did this." "He should have stopped this." "He wants you to think you can be happy, ... but he’s a mischief maker. A traitor."
If we can't identify those arguments in our hearts, they'll own our thoughts, emotions, and actions. They will drive us as we process pain. Very easily, even subconsciously, we learn that God is a traitor.
I could be happy or I could be heartbroken. I’m heartbroken. God is in control. God said he loved me. One of these things cannot be true. Therefore, I trust him a little less now.
Multiply that times a thousand losses, pains, or failures, and we can easily descend into a betrayed and victimized theology: God is a traitor.
During grief — during a breakup, after a funeral, after another failed attempt, another failed pregnancy — God pulls the rug out from under you. Again. And again. And again. What's going on? Why exactly am I trusting you, again? In those moments, God has five things to say.