Finding Forgiveness After My Abortion

When I was 20 years old, I loved my life. It was carefree and full of good times. School, sports, parties, and girlfriends filled my mind most days. Until one day that changed my life forever.

A girlfriend and I discovered we were pregnant. We hadn't planned to get pregnant, but we were. When she broke the news to me, I was a little nervous, but reassured her we'd figure out a way to make it. My empty assurance was followed by a question that would push me to a place I'd never been before. With fearful eyes, she looked at me and asked, "Are you going to be with me? Are you going to marry me?"

I was young. I had hopes and dreams and plans. I had my whole life in front of me; I wasn't ready to be married or to raise a child. But I'm not sure I would've thought about it exactly like that in those days. I didn't know how to think about serious realities. I only operated in the moment.

I told my girlfriend I wasn't ready to get married. She knew that, but my words confirmed it. A friend gave her the $400 we needed to have "the procedure," as they called it. I was there when she took the pill. I was there when we flushed our child down the toilet. I was there when we cried, even though we didn’t know why. And some days I'm still there.

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