Going to Bed Angry

James and I were in bed. He wasn't upset about anything, but I was still mulling over our animated conversation about our middle child who just started 3rd grade (we attend year round school, so the break is over!). She came home with a mediocre score on her times tables. I wasn't panicked. It's the beginning of the school year. She'll get it.

James, on the other hand, thought it was time to hit the panic button. He printed out those times tables right away and sat down with our daughter. He taught. He made little flash cards. He drilled. He quizzed.

He was having a hard time understanding why I didn't see the urgency.

I was having a hard time, feeling like he was overreacting.

So as we lay in bed, I was upset. Why is he so strict? I felt inadequate. Maybe I should be more proactive with academics.

But it didn't feel right to wake him up to talk about something that wasn't even an issue to him. So I prayed about it and fell asleep. I admit, I was a little bit mad.

The next morning, I woke up and I wasn't angry anymore. Those feelings of indignation had melted away in the night.

And wouldn't you know it ... that day, I picked up a book by Shaunti Feldhahn, The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. One of the chapters was titled "Highly Happy Couples Go to Bed Mad."

I flipped to it right away.

In her research with highly happy couples, she discovered that highly happy couples find that when they can’t resolve conflict and anger before bedtime, they choose to sleep on it. If anger remains in the morning, they don’t let it go unresolved; they deal with it.

[Read the rest of the article at The Time-Warp Wife.]