Grieving Together, Differently

A lot of writers keep journals. I'm not one of them. I haven't kept one since junior high. Well, with one exception.

It was the spring my husband Ted and I had to process our obstetrician's words, "I'm sorry." The spring when a new life within me unexpectedly died, rather than flourished.

I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do about it. So I bought a blue and white journal at Barnes and Nobles. And I wrote. And wrote. And wrote.

One aspect I wrote about was how Ted and I didn't grieve in the same way or at the same pace. Just as we brought differences to the way we cooked, drove, and parented, we brought differences to our loss and the way we processed it.

It was hard to figure out how to grieve together when we grieved so differently. But we slowly – and often clumsily – navigated it. And, as we did, we continued to grow together, rather than allow the loss to tear us apart. How did we do this? One way was by allowing the other to grieve as they needed to, even if it wasn't how we preferred.

If you and your husband are currently grieving differently and you're frustrated or discouraged by it, here are three things to remember that helped us.

1. We're Wired Differently

Not only do Ted and I have different personalities that influenced our response to loss, the simple fact that he's a man and I'm a woman affected how we grieved.

[Read the rest of the article at The Better Mom.]