Hypocrisy is something you cannot avoid. You tell your children not to fight and then your argue with your spouse. You tell your children God is in control and then you become angry or despondent about the presidential election. You tell your children to put God first and not be rowdy, and then you realize what you really wanted was just some peace and quiet. Focusing on outward behavior and hypocrisy go hand-in-hand. Your goal must be much more than outward compliance. Looking for quick results and outward compliance is a poor use of authority. This will not build relationships. A desire for quick results or mere outward compliance leaves the door wide open for hypocrisy to do its damage.
Dealing with heart issues allows you to address your own struggles with your children and minimizes the danger of hypocrisy. For example, instead of just telling your children not to fight and be quiet, you could take the time to help them understand what is behind the desire to fight. Talk with your children about where fights and quarrels come from in James 4:1-4. Fighting indicates a selfish, greedy heart. Talk about your own struggles with anger and fights. If you get angry with your husband or wife, talk to your kids about it. Don't try to hide your fighting, your kids know what is going on! Confess your sin of fighting and then show them how you have repented and learning to trust God by being kind instead of snapping back.