Sex (Before and After Kids)

“So, is there sex after kids?” we asked some friends. Ruth was close to giving birth to our firstborn, and this was an important question. We had heard the horror stories about romance after kids. We needed answers. Or at least I (Patrick) needed answers. How could the very thing that brought these kids into the world be lost once they arrived? I wondered. It was understandable from a physical perspective to need some recovery time after child- birth. But the stories of no sex for an extended time—stories of tired moms, diminished sex drives, limited privacy, and loss of spontaneity in the bedroom—that got my attention. As a man, husband, and father, I was concerned.

I (Ruth) wasn’t that worried about it. I was having my first child, and all I could think about was caring for him. Of course I’ll still spend plenty of time with my husband in the bedroom, I thought. What’s the big deal? I let it pass as a fleeting thought, convinced that everything would remain the same.

Boy, was I wrong! I was in no way prepared for how my body felt physically and how I felt emotionally after giving birth.

The answer to the question we posed to our friends, of course, is, “yes.” There is sex after kids. But if you are like most couples, romance in general is different after kids enter the picture. The early years of marriage with kids were tough.

As a guy, I (Patrick) wasn’t overly sensitive to the fact that a seven-pound human being had passed out of Ruth’s body. Lacking wisdom and full of selfishness, I was oblivious to even the physical changes caused by having kids.

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