Toddlers are people. This means they make decisions about what is important to them, just like you do. And just like you, their interpretation of their circumstances determines how they respond to problems they face.
Let’s put this in perspective. You can’t find your debit card. Was it lost or stolen? Is your bank balance secure? Getting that card back is now your highest priority. But, suppose your helpful neighbor is visiting and says to you, “don’t worry, the card is just piece of plastic. Don’t get stressed. It will probably turn up in a day or two. It’s nothing to worry about.” You might look at that individual and wonder what planet she is living on.
Your three year old can’t find his favorite toy. His highest priority is getting his toy back. But to you it is just a toy. So you say, “Honey, we will find the toy eventually, it is just a toy. Don’t worry.” But your words don’t bring any comfort, any more than your neighbor’s words brought comfort to you about the missing debit card. Your toddler interpreted his circumstance differently than you are. To him, his lost toy is every bit as important as your lost debit card.
Your toddler is interpreting life according to what is important to him. To shepherd your children compassionately and biblically, you first must understand how they are interpreting life events. This is why you have to look beyond behavior and focus on the heart. If you just brush off his actions by telling him he has to get over it, you will only frustrate him and provoke him to anger.