There are two questions we can ask within marriage that will take us to two entirely different dimensions. We have to choose which dimension we want to live in. The two questions are these:
"How can I bless you?"
"How can I get my own way?"
If we live in the second dimension ("How can I get my own way?"), every conflict will be resolved in terms of how we benefit from the outcome. If we live in the first dimension ("How can I bless you?"), every conflict will be resolved in terms of how our spouse is blessed in the process.
Sacred marriage is about choosing to live in the first dimension. I have to focus my thoughts, emotions and ultimately my will on the purpose of blessing my spouse. I have to reject the second dimension as being less than a sacred marriage, something unworthy of fighting about and something rejected by Scripture ("What causes fights and quarrels among you? ... You want something but don't get it." James 4:1, 2).
Every day of marriage is a fight to live in the first dimension. Every selfish fiber in my sin-stained soul tempts me and urges me to dwell in the second.
[Read the rest of the article at Start Marriage Right.]