Escapism is defined by Google, as "the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy." I did this.
The reality of my marriage was one that I didn't like and didn't want to accept. By our third year of marriage, I was ready to escape any way that I could. I desired to numb the emotional pain that flared up because of unmet expectations of marriage and unmet expectations of how I thought God would and should bless our marriage.
Our relationship was falling apart and I didn't know how to fix it.
My heart was fragile. And instead of turning to God in my despair ... I isolated myself from Him.
This is when I experienced and gave my heart over to escapism. I wanted to escape the pain of my marriage and so I dived into a habit of seeking entertainment to fulfill me.
This is what I have learned about escapism...
The problem with escaping reality and seeking to be distracted is that while I was distracted with temporary stimulation, my reality worsened. As I spent time enveloped in fantasyland with books and movies, I avoided and neglected my marriage. The stress and source of pain in our marriage intensified. So when I came back to reality, I had all the more reason to quickly go back to fantasyland. A vicious cycle started that grew momentum faster than I could handle. With that momentum, also grew hatred for my situation. I didn't want to be a wife anymore.