I sat on the front row in the church and listened to another speaker — my friend – and thought, Why can't I get it together like she has it together? My best effort is like pond scum compared to her worst effort! I had just presented a message before she did and I would present another message when she was finished. And, I didn't want to stand on that stage and speak again; I wanted to shrink into the seat cushion because I felt totally incompetent and unnecessary at that moment. And then I felt shame for feeling that way at that moment!
But, here's the thing. It wasn't just at that moment I felt that way. That moment describes lots of moments for me!
I am just totally convinced that every other woman has it together but me. I look at their lives and think, I am the only woman who is this insecure and then I shame myself for feeling this way! I am the only one who can’t get her act together.
You know what I mean, right? In my imagination, I really think,
I'm the only mom who doesn't read the Bible every day with her kids.
I am the only wife who fights with her husband!
I am the only Christian woman who is selfish and impatient with others.
I am the only woman who should be a better daughter and friend – who just can't seem to call enough, write enough or be enough.
I am the only woman who is in Christ but is in crisis!
I feel like I am the only one who struggles and stresses and rethinks and regrets and self-condemns because every other woman I meet just appears to wear the right smile, say the right things, do the right things, and they seem just so dang comfortable in their own skin!